


Darkness

by Sa1989



Category: Holby City
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21872365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sa1989/pseuds/Sa1989
Summary: A Patient on YAU reminds dom of a dark time in his life
Kudos: 10





	Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> I did try to do this topic justice. Also I have had depression for years so I drew on my own experience with battling the darkness if u liked it please hit the kudos button

Dom and essie were chatting at the nurse's station when ange came up and slammed a file into the desk. They could tell just by looking at her she was upset.  
Essie "is everything okay?"  
Ange "no, i have just admitted James Stewart, a 15 year old patient who tried to take his own life"  
Essie "that's so sad that he was in so many pain he wanted to die" dom just looked at at the floor because this hit to close to home.  
Ange "I know, what kind of world are we living in if no one notices a kid is suicidal"  
Essie "maybe he was just too good at hiding how much pain he was in"  
Ange "yeah but it's a parent's job to look after her child"  
Dom "well some parents just don't care" ange felt dom's words like a blow because she thought dom had come to terms with his adoption, essie saw the hurt on ange's face and said "that's not fair, some parents are just unable to take care of their children" dom just got up and left, lost in his own thoughts. Essie turne to ange  
Essie "I'm sure dom didn't mean it"  
Ange "no I think he did, maybe I was too focused on chloe to see that dom still hasn't forgiven me for giving him up for adoption" essie just gave her a small smile and went back to work. Dom headed to the roof for some space to clear his head. Dom couldn't help but think about the darkness that drove someone to kill themself. The darkness that was so consuming that it blocks out everything good and joyous in this world. Depression was like a silent thief, you don't even know it's their until it steals your happiness and by that time you are already losing the battle against a invisible enemy.

Essie was just about do jame's obs when she heard dom and James talking so paused to listen.  
James "look I know you're a doctor but you don't know shit about my life or how how I feel"  
Dom "you're right I don't but I can remember what it felt like when I wanted to die"  
James "yeah right, you're a doctor so why would you want to kill yourself?"  
Dom "someone I cared for hurt me and it made me feel so alone and so without hope. Everytime I went to sleep I prayed never to wake up because I knew tomorrow would just bring more pain and I didn't see the point of living if this was how I would always feel"  
James "so what stopped you?"  
Dom paused before replying because the truth wouldn't help james so lied instead "a friend noticed that I was depressed and helped me through it. And my life now is so much better than I ever dreamed, so please let the doctors here help you" essie had tears in her eyes upon hearing this, essie couldn't believe that dom had been so close to the edge and she didn't know. Essie decided to leave them to talk and to come back later.

Dom was just finishing getting changed after his shift when essie came into the locker room.  
Essie "hey"  
Dom "hey want to go for a drink? I could really use one"  
Essie "I heard you talking to james before" dom turned to look at her  
Dom "what do you mean?"  
Essie "about how you wanted to die"  
Dom "oh that" dom started playing with the strap of his bag to avoid looking at the pity in her eyes.  
Essie "I am so sorry that I didn't know how depressed you were after isaac"  
Dom "it wasn't isaac, it was before I even became a doctor"  
Essie "oh well then I'm glad your friend helped you"  
Dom "look it was a long time ago so can you just drop it"  
Essie "sure but the crack you made about parents not caring, was it aimed at agne"  
Dom "no of course not"  
Essie "then maybe you should tell her that"  
Dom cursed under his breath because he hadn't even realized how it must've sounded to her. Dom decided to clear the air before heading home so headed towards ange's office. Ange looked up as dom walked in.  
Dom "can we talk?"  
Ange "of course take a seat" dom settled himself on the couch and ange joined him.  
Dom "look I'm sorry about what I said before. I didn't mean it like how it sounded"  
Ange "look maybe I wasn't there for you as much as I should have been when you found out about me but I always loved you and giving yòu up was the hardest thing I have ever done.  
Dom "I know that. When I was talking about parents not caring enough to notice that their child was depressed, I was talking about Carol and Barry"  
Ange "I don't understand, you and Carole are so close."  
Dom "look maybe it would be best if I told you the whole story"  
Ange "dom you can tell me anything"  
Dom "okay but don't interrupt. I was always bullied at school for some reason or another and Barry was always putting me down or using homophobic surls against me, even before he know for sure I was gay. Well anyway the summer I turned 13 I was dating Tommy the boy I had had a crush on for like forever. It was the best summer of my life but when we went back to school he changed. Tommy outed me to the whole school and then he and his mates beat the hell out of me" at this a single tear roll down his cheek and ange wiped it away as she felt her heart breaking into a million pieces.  
Dom "I ended up in hospital for about a month and when I finally went back to school the bullying got worse and worse and the teachers turned a blind eye. In the end I got really depressed and I wanted to, you know end it all" ange let out a shocked gasp out at this. Chloe had struggled with mental illness but she had never thought about suicide and now dom was telling her he had almost killed himself. Ange felt horrible because she had always put chloe first because she assumed dom was strong enough to take care of himself but clearly that wasn't the case.  
Ange "what stopped you?"  
Dom "I did try by jumping off the roof of our house but the fall wasn't enough to kill me and I woke up in hospital with Carole sitting next to me crying and I knew I couldn't hurt her again by taking my own life"  
Ange "but she and Barry got you help didn't they?"  
Dom "I made up some story about why I was on the roof and they believed it. Or maybe they just didn't wanna to know the truth. But after I left school I did get help for my depression and I am fine now"  
Ange "promise me if you ever feel like that again you will come to me"  
Dom "i promise but please don't worry, it was a long time ago" ange just pulled her son into her arms and thanked god that dom had failed that day.


End file.
